Don’t choose to abuse
This Christmas we are raising awareness of our Don’t Choose to Abuse campaign which encourages men to recognise when they are displaying abusive behaviour towards women and make changes. This could be recognising if they are displaying unhealthy or abusive behaviour within a relationship or that their behaviour is unacceptable when in a public place, such as a bar or club.
Violence, abuse and intimidation towards women and girls is not acceptable and this behaviour will be, and quite rightly should be, called out by others. If you behave this way, you are possibly committing a crime that could lead to arrest, a criminal conviction and maybe even a prison sentence.
Watch our two videos that show contrasting scenarios of the victim and perpetrator at Christmas, highlighting the consequences of abusive behaviour.
What are you doing?
Are you serious?
You've done it again haven't you?
The kids are downstairs Darren, stop it.
You embarrass me. Every time!
Please Darren.
You make me look stupid in front of everyone.
Get off me Darren!
You're making me do this. If you weren't so stupid I wouldn't have to react this way.
Mummy, where's Daddy?
Sorry darling.
Violence, abuse and intimidation towards women and girls is not acceptable. Your behaviour may be a criminal offense resulting in police involvement and arrest.
If you're worried about your behaviour this Christmas, there is help available.
#ChangeTheStory
Visit www.staffordshire.police.uk for more information.
Don't choose to abuse.
You alright darling? Come over here.
No thanks.
Steve, she's not interested.
Go on, don't be shy.
Mate I said no.
You think you're so much better than me don't you?
What?
Let me show you.
Oh my god.
You're not better than me, look!
We've run out of ice.
Violence, abuse and intimidation towards women and girls is not acceptable. Your behaviour may be a criminal offense resulting in police involvement and arrest.
If you're worried about your behaviour this Christmas, there is help available.
#ChangeTheStory
Visit www.staffordshire.police.uk for more information.
Don't choose to abuse.
Abusive behaviour can be physical, verbal, sexual, psychological or financial.
It can include:
- threatening your partner
- calling them names
- controlling what they do, where they go and who they speak to
- not allowing them to see their friends and family
- accusing them of cheating
- stalking them by continually checking up on them
- sharing - or threatening to share - intimate images of your partner with their family, friends or work colleagues
- hitting, kicking, punching, or throwing objects at them
- rape, forcing your partner into sexual acts they don’t want to do
- keeping their money from them or demanding their money
Domestic abuse is the general term for this type of behaviour but it doesn’t matter if you are living separately, living together, married or have previously been in a relationship. If you are abusive in person, or online, to someone you are, or have been in a relationship with, the police will take positive action against you which may result in your arrest.
If you behave abusively towards your partner you will potentially lose that person, possibly some of your friends too and you will be arrested and convicted of domestic abuse.
Being convicted of domestic abuse offences can carry a maximum sentence of 14 years in jail.
Clare’s Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) is a police policy giving people the right to know if their current or ex-partner has any previous history of violence or abuse.
It also allows concerned relatives and friends, the right to ask about someone’s partner. They can ask if they have been abusive in the past.
Furthermore, Clare’s Law gives the police the power to tell people that they may be at risk. This information can be given even if it is not asked for. Where we have information that a person may be at harm of domestic abuse by their partner, we have the power to tell them. If you are convicted of domestic abuse and at a later date we think a future partner could be at risk, we will tell them.
The way you treat your partner now, could have long term consequences. If you recognise that your behaviour is showing signs of becoming abusive, look to change and get support.
The first step is recognising that what you are doing is not healthy for either of you and not right. Abusive behaviour in any form is unacceptable and will result in you being arrested and charged.
Abusive behaviour can develop for a number of reasons but ultimately how you choose to behave is down to you and no one else.
New Era offer support to those wanting to change their behaviour.
Call 0300 373 5772 to speak to someone now.
Do you recognise that you are displaying unhealthy or abusive behaviour within your relationship?
Domestic Abuse is not acceptable and this behaviour will be, and quite rightly should be, called out by others. Your behaviour may also constitute a criminal offence resulting in police intervention and arrest.
Watch our video to see the reactions of friends, family and work colleagues when finding out that someone they know is a perpetrator of domestic abuse.
A healthy relationship is one with mutual respect, trust and honesty. Where both partners feel equal, each is supportive of the other and both feel comfortable communicating openly about anything.
Controlling if or when your partner goes out, who they socialise with, continually checking up on them and getting angry or taking revenge when they don't do what you want them to do is wrong.
Trying to manage a relationship by controlling your partner and eroding their confidence so that they stay with you is not only an unhealthy relationship but it's abusive.
If you are worried about your behaviour there is help available.
Abuse in a public place can include:
- Making sexually explicit comments or gestures in public – whether on the street, in a bar, on public transport or another public place
- Leering or unwanted staring
- Sitting uncomfortably close on public transport
- Unwanted questions about someone’s sex life
- Unwanted sexual attention or asking for sex
- Upskirting (taking pictures or filming up someone’s skirt without them knowing)
- Flashing
- Following someone
- Stalking (a pattern of obsessive behaviour which can include sending unwanted presents, making unwanted communication, damaging property, physical or sexual assault. This can be perpetrated by an ex-intimate partner, a stranger or anyone known to the victim)
- Groping (unwanted sexual touching anywhere on the body, which could be sexual assault)
- Spiking (when someone puts alcohol or drugs into another person’s drink or their body without their knowledge and/or consent)
We can all play our part in ending abuse through our daily interactions with family members, friends, peers and colleagues. We can challenge sexism and misogyny when we encounter it. Sometimes those everyday conversations around attitudes and behaviour can create real change and allow true reflection on feelings.
If you are worried about your behaviour towards women there’s plenty that you can do to change things, you can:
- Ask questions of the people around you. Ask the women in your life what being a woman means to them and their feelings of safety.
- Learn about gender inequality, and about discrimination, and how that impacts individuals and groups.
- Think about your behaviour and the behaviour of those around you. Ask yourself if you have felt uncomfortable in a situation where a woman was being harassed, or if your own behaviour might have been an issue.
- Talk about your experiences with friends and family. Being open can help to change things.
You may also want to visit White Ribbon, a UK-based charity that helps men and boys to end violence against women and girls.