Staffordshire Police

Whilst the risk of staying may be very high, leaving the relationship does not guarantee the abuse will stop. When a victim plans or makes their exit can be the most dangerous time for them and their children.

There may be other reasons why a victim stays with their abuser, for example:

• still caring for their partner and hoping they will change – they may not want to leave the relationship, just want the abuse to stop
• the victim feels ashamed about what has happened or believes it is their fault
• being scared of the future – the victim may not have anywhere to go, no money and what will happen to the children. They may fear they will have to go into hiding for ever
• the victim may be too exhausted or unsure to make a decision
• they may be isolated from family or friends or not able to leave the home or reach out for help
• the abuse may leave the victim feeling they deserve nothing better
• staying for the sake of the children, wanting the children to grow up with both parents or being afraid of the stigma of being a single parent
• for male victims, fear that reporting the abuse could lead to them losing custody of the children.

Victims must be made aware that they will be taken seriously and that police will enforce their rights. Anyone experiencing domestic abuse needs resources and support to make safe changes for themselves and their children.

These can include money, housing, help with moving, transport, legal and police support to protect them and their children, a guaranteed income and emotional support. If these are not available the victim may be less likely to leave an abusive situation.

Family and friends can make a real difference by the quality and quantity of support they are able to provide. Sometimes the victims will try to leave several times before they manage to do it permanently and safely. Whatever their decision, it is vital that a victim is supported to increase their safety and that of any children – even if they decide to stay with the abuser.

It is important that victims are supported to make their own decisions and not shut out from ongoing support if they are not ready to leave. Someone who does feel excluded in this way is not likely to ask for help from the same person or organisation again.